- Relationships, Simple Pleasures, Health and Control Rank High in Findings -
WASHINGTON, June 4, 2012 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Most Americans age 35+ are happy, but compared to historical General Social Survey (GSS) data, levels of happiness are on the decline and at their lowest levels (due in part to the economy), according to a new study released today by AARP. In an effort to find out what happiness means to adults and what it takes to thrive as they age, AARP surveyed more than 4,000 adults age 35+. The study, titled "Beyond Happiness: Thriving", provides a unique view of today's modern family with a robust understanding of happiness, how it changes over time and how age affects the drivers that enable people to thrive.
(Logo: http://photos.prnewswire.com/prnh/20070209/NYF043LOGO)
"We're always looking to get a more robust understanding of the contributors and barriers to happiness in people's lives," said Steve Cone, Executive Vice President of Integrated Value ＆Strategy, AARP. "Building on previous AARP research, which shows the importance of happiness and peace of mind to 50+ families, these new results affirm that we are on the right track—advocating to ensure basic health and financial security and making available everyday discounts that let people enjoy time with family and friends."
The results of this study support the finding of a U-shape curve of happiness by age. The early 50s is the lowest point from which happiness builds. Thus, if you missed happiness in your 30's, there is still another chance to achieve it in your 60's. The results also provide four key insights around the drivers of happiness.
Findings
The Current State of Happiness
Overall, the strong majority (68%) of respondents report being happy, although intensity of happiness is somewhat tempered as the largest percent report being somewhat happy (49%) versus very happy (19%). Almost half of respondents feel they are just as happy as others (49%) and the rest tend to believe that they are happier than others (31%) as opposed to less happy than others (13%). Part of this may be attributed to the perceptions of people being the masters of their own happiness destiny. There is noted concern for the happiness of the next generation. Less than half feel they will be as happy or more (45%). Most are either not sure (19%) or believe they will be less happy (35%).
Relationships are the Key Driver of Happiness
Regardless of age, good relationships with friends, family, and even pets, were found to be universally important. Activities rooted firmly in relationships contributed most to happiness. The most significant were:
Kissing or Hugging Someone You Love
Watching your children grandchildren or close relative succeed
Being told you are a person who can be trusted or relied upon
Spending time with your family or friends such as a meal or social gathering
Experiencing a special moment with a child
Relationships with pets were especially important to women, singles and older individuals. However, relationships did have to be real: "connecting with friends or family on a social media site like Facebook" came in 37th out of 38 activities in contributing to happiness. Importantly, none of the top contributors require a lot of money to achieve; they are "simple pleasures" that can be had by all.
Health Perceptions, Rather than Reality, May Enable Happiness
Without health it is difficult to achieve happiness: people in "good or excellent" health are three times more likely to report being "very" happy. Health however, may be more a state of mind than objective reality: the percentage of those reporting good health is relatively stable over the 35-80 age range, varying only seven percentage points, even as reported chronic or serious medical conditions increase 400% in the same age range.
People Believe they can Control their Own Happiness
The majority of those surveyed feel they have control over their personal level of happiness. Interestingly, this sense of control increases with age. Moreover, people who feel in control are clearly happier—reporting that they are 2.5 times happier than those who believe happiness is out of their control. A sense of control is linked to higher income, higher education, good health and the lack of having experienced a major life event in the past year.
Money Does Not Guarantee Happiness
Money matters but how one spends it seems to matter more. Happiness increases with income and conversely, lack of financial resources was tied to unhappiness. While less than a third of participants said money contributed to happiness, when asked how they would spend $100 on something to increase happiness, most respondents said they would spend it on their family or going out to dinner. Money is only a resource, that when applied to meaningful areas of one's life, can provide experiences that can increase happiness.
To access the complete study, visit www.aarp.org/happinessreport.
Methodology: Heart+Mind Strategies, an independent research and strategy firm, was commissioned by AARP to conduct a large scale mixed mode (Phone and Online) quantitative survey that included 4,397 participants among US residents ages 35 and older. Data were combined and then weighted to Census targets for Age/Gender, Region and Ethnicity. A post-weight was applied based on mode to give Online and Telephone equal weighting.
About AARP
AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization with a membership that helps people 50+ have independence, choice and control in ways that are beneficial and affordable to them and society as a whole. AARP does not endorse candidates for public office or make contributions to either political campaigns or candidates. We produce AARP The Magazine, the definitive voice for 50+ Americans and the world's largest-circulation magazine with nearly 35 million readers; AARP Bulletin, the go-to news source for AARP's millions of members and Americans 50+; and our website, AARP.org. AARP Foundation is an affiliated charity that provides security, protection, and empowerment to older persons in need with support from thousands of volunteers, donors, and sponsors. We have staffed offices in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
About Heart+Mind Strategies
Heart+Mind Strategies is the distillation of the best learning and experience from successful brand and communications campaigns over the last four decades. Heart+Mind Strategies represents a network of the best operational resources and capabilities in the world and specializes in brand, reputation and communications consulting for corporations, brands, associations, non-profits organizations, social issue advocates, and individuals. For more information, please visit www.heartandmindstrategies.com.
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Read Moe AARP Releases New Study on What Defines Happiness for Adults 35
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Monday, June 04, 2012
How does high levels of conflict influence relationship happiness?
By Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD -
Naturally high levels of conflict places additional stress on all relationships, yet this does not necessarily correlate to a disastrous end. Alternatively, for that matter, it may not impact one’s perceived level of happiness felt with an intimate partner and here is why.
Some relationships recover just great when conflict surfaces if they address the problem, while others even the slightest amount of conflict can have devastating ramifications. Worst, what can happen is an end to intimacy, and then ultimately, an end to the relationship. High levels of conflict can bring about what appears to be a difficult barrier to infiltrate leaving many with residual feelings of sadness, hostility, frustration, and resentments in their relationship for months or even years. If we are not happy in our intimate relationships this can have a significant influence over all other interpersonal relationships.
Since conflict is inevitable in every relationship, how we respond and recover is the most important dilemma to address impacting happiness when conflicts surface. If we individually seek to be more resilient, skills and strategies can be obtained in adulthood.
Geoff Watts recently published a content rich article titled “Why do some people never get Depressed?“ distinguishing within the research of resilience, what would prompt an individual to respond either negatively or positively to adverse conditions? Specifically, he wrote about why in the face of conflicts, adversity, some would become Depressed and others can rebound positively.
According to Dr. Rebecca Elliott, Psychologist, on the topic of resilience, she states if we were to measure individual resiliency levels we are all somewhere on a sliding scale with most of us being somewhere in the middle.
"At one end you have people who are very vulnerable. In the face of quite low stress, or none at all, they'll develop a Mental Health problem."
"At the other end, you have people who life has dealt a quite appalling hand with all sorts of stressful experiences, and yet they remain positive and optimistic."
Resilience is defined as one’s capacity to recover following compressive stress, significant change or of being damaged, disfigured, or spoiled. Based on scientific research, the charge forward continues to seek answers to some of the more pressing questions [which remain unanswered] to include is resilience inherited, learned, or does it have a neurological location in the brains chemistry we can pinpoint for alternation.
I suspect we are closer than ever before in finding concrete answers since the World Health Organization had declared its worldwide importance as it relates to Mental Health. Meanwhile, understanding resilience is also as important as it applies to one’s capacity to be emotionally fit to withstand relationship stressors, or significant life changes like Divorce, unemployment, career changes.
In a practical sense, we can all agree resilience levels, once established, can be improved upon to alleviate their potentially negative impact on happiness levels felt. With this it would stand to reason, on average, we all fall somewhere in the middle of the measure of resiliency sliding scales and when choosing a mate we tend to match up with others more similar to us concerning level of differentiation than dissimilar so finding a common ground to discuss and resolve conflicts may be easier then one would expect.
If what you seek is to lessen conflicts’ impact on relationship happiness, it is important to address conflicts early and maintain a positive outlook by simply deciding in advance your efforts do stand a good chance of being successful. What typically gets in the way when discussing difficult conflicts in a relationship is the anxiety felt when broaching the topic. Or, negative road blocks we self impose. Personally, I enjoy referring to self-imposed roadblocks as an individual’s elaborate delay tactics.
To address conflict consider the following:
1. Communicate even if it seems anxiety provoking within reason. Learn to identify escalating behaviors leading to abuse.
2. Apply a heavy dose of honesty when giving voice to the problem. Describe the specific problem accurately.
3. Discuss how you individually would like to see the conflict resolved, and what you are willing to do to make it so. This will require each in the relationship to identify their role in the conflicts and accept some responsibility for it.
4. Remain positive and take action. Conflicts are resolved by taking action to communicate, and not by avoiding them. Avoiding conflict allows problems to spiral out of control.
5. Seek help early if warranted.
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships
Naturally high levels of conflict places additional stress on all relationships, yet this does not necessarily correlate to a disastrous end. Alternatively, for that matter, it may not impact one’s perceived level of happiness felt with an intimate partner and here is why.
Some relationships recover just great when conflict surfaces if they address the problem, while others even the slightest amount of conflict can have devastating ramifications. Worst, what can happen is an end to intimacy, and then ultimately, an end to the relationship. High levels of conflict can bring about what appears to be a difficult barrier to infiltrate leaving many with residual feelings of sadness, hostility, frustration, and resentments in their relationship for months or even years. If we are not happy in our intimate relationships this can have a significant influence over all other interpersonal relationships.
Since conflict is inevitable in every relationship, how we respond and recover is the most important dilemma to address impacting happiness when conflicts surface. If we individually seek to be more resilient, skills and strategies can be obtained in adulthood.
Geoff Watts recently published a content rich article titled “Why do some people never get Depressed?“ distinguishing within the research of resilience, what would prompt an individual to respond either negatively or positively to adverse conditions? Specifically, he wrote about why in the face of conflicts, adversity, some would become Depressed and others can rebound positively.
According to Dr. Rebecca Elliott, Psychologist, on the topic of resilience, she states if we were to measure individual resiliency levels we are all somewhere on a sliding scale with most of us being somewhere in the middle.
"At one end you have people who are very vulnerable. In the face of quite low stress, or none at all, they'll develop a Mental Health problem."
"At the other end, you have people who life has dealt a quite appalling hand with all sorts of stressful experiences, and yet they remain positive and optimistic."
Resilience is defined as one’s capacity to recover following compressive stress, significant change or of being damaged, disfigured, or spoiled. Based on scientific research, the charge forward continues to seek answers to some of the more pressing questions [which remain unanswered] to include is resilience inherited, learned, or does it have a neurological location in the brains chemistry we can pinpoint for alternation.
I suspect we are closer than ever before in finding concrete answers since the World Health Organization had declared its worldwide importance as it relates to Mental Health. Meanwhile, understanding resilience is also as important as it applies to one’s capacity to be emotionally fit to withstand relationship stressors, or significant life changes like Divorce, unemployment, career changes.
In a practical sense, we can all agree resilience levels, once established, can be improved upon to alleviate their potentially negative impact on happiness levels felt. With this it would stand to reason, on average, we all fall somewhere in the middle of the measure of resiliency sliding scales and when choosing a mate we tend to match up with others more similar to us concerning level of differentiation than dissimilar so finding a common ground to discuss and resolve conflicts may be easier then one would expect.
If what you seek is to lessen conflicts’ impact on relationship happiness, it is important to address conflicts early and maintain a positive outlook by simply deciding in advance your efforts do stand a good chance of being successful. What typically gets in the way when discussing difficult conflicts in a relationship is the anxiety felt when broaching the topic. Or, negative road blocks we self impose. Personally, I enjoy referring to self-imposed roadblocks as an individual’s elaborate delay tactics.
To address conflict consider the following:
1. Communicate even if it seems anxiety provoking within reason. Learn to identify escalating behaviors leading to abuse.
2. Apply a heavy dose of honesty when giving voice to the problem. Describe the specific problem accurately.
3. Discuss how you individually would like to see the conflict resolved, and what you are willing to do to make it so. This will require each in the relationship to identify their role in the conflicts and accept some responsibility for it.
4. Remain positive and take action. Conflicts are resolved by taking action to communicate, and not by avoiding them. Avoiding conflict allows problems to spiral out of control.
5. Seek help early if warranted.
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Table For Five
According to IMDB Storyline: J. P. Tannen takes his three children for a vacation cruise. They usually live with their mother and step-father, but now J. P. feels capable of taking them. Emotional tragedy strikes, causing battles parent against parent, and parent against child. J. P. tries to show his children that he loves them.
Written by Melissa Portell
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Travel, Vacation, Cruise, Relationships, Divorce, Mediterranean Sea
Take This Waltz
Movie Take This Waltz premiers June 14th, 2012.
View Trailer http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1592281/
According to IMDB Storyline: A happily married woman falls for the artist who lives across the street.
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Take This Waltz, Entertainment, Sarah Silverman, Relationships
A funny thing happened on the way to Retirement
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Tags: Life’s Calling, A funny thing happened on the way to Retirement, Joan Pauley, Personal Happiness, Relationships, Career
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Shared Activity
To mark the start of summer, taking a much needed holiday or road trip, are common shared activities couples participate in. A long weekend together can pose challenges, as well as endless opportunities for enjoyment.
Learning how to limit arguments while traveling together or on shared activities requires just a few reminders.
As a couple it is important to spend time together within individual comfort levels and to be mindful to limit unnecessary conflicts and arguments which interfere with the intended goal to have fun together. In many respects, it is counter intuitive to take a holiday together and spend the entire trip feeling horrible due to unnecessary negativity so here are five suggestions.
1. Decide in Advance
2. Vacation From Arguments
3. Time Out is for Adults too
4. Avoid Recruitment Campaigns
5. Be Reasonable
Decide in Advance
One way to ensure a pleasurable day trip is to decide in advance to have a good time and to discuss the itinerary to avoid conflicts which could surface due to scheduling or activity preferences.
Individuals who genuinely like one another also tend to enjoy each others company. This mutual sense of endearment typically adds to each person’s ability to compromise easily to limit disagreements along the way and keep the peace in the relationship as it were. While it is important to share activities together because it increases intimacy, each having an individual passion in life builds autonomy and adds a different perspective to the conversation level while couples are together in a shared activity.
Vacation From Arguments
Another suggestion is to give oneself permission to take a break from problems. By the time the opportunity surfaces to participate in a day trip, holiday together, or pre-summer road trip, if you had not mustered the courage to discuss a existing difficult topic yet, it would not be recommended to start on the holiday. Holidays are a time to renew. A time to affirm relationship commitments by spending enjoyable quality time together and create new memories which ultimately become the tapestry of one’s life. Why ruin it with unneeded negativity.
Time Out is for Adults too
As an Adult you may recognize it as a “Safe Word“ often used as the punch-line reference in comedy routines making reference to Adult Role Playing and Dominatrix. Time Out for Adults is a valid and recognized conflict resolution technique which should be applied in appropriate situations when a break is needed in order to reduce abuses; both physical and verbal. Both partners agree [in advance] to a time out signal that either partner may give to stop interaction which is perceived as having the potential to become abusive. Then, both must agree if the “signal” is made each must respond favorably to it without debate.
Avoid Recruitment Campaigns
In relationships when there is hostile, conflicted communication or no communication, when the couple is around other couples, there is a tendency for one to participate in “rallying efforts” or make statements to persuade others to endorse their side of a existing argument in their intimate relationship. That is if there is actually a “right and wrong” side to any relationship argument.
This should be avoided as it is demeaning and lacks courage. It takes real courage to confront a partner on important issues when the time is right and debate the issues. Using a side planking maneuver to draw others into the argument to somehow limit the individual pressure felt, is not courageous and often does little to resolve the conflicts suffered.
Real conflicts deserve genuine debate.
Be Reasonable
Reduce critical complaining by reframing each complaint into polite requests.
The joy felt on holiday travel may actually ease tensions in a relationship making other situations easier to approach in the future. Upon return home, there will always be ample time to resolve conflicts in a mutually respectful manner with one another.
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Recommended Reading
Read more about Psychological Normalcy Psychological Précipice
28 Relationship Strategies iPsychology Relationships
Quality of Life Preferences Survey
Tags: Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships, Travel
Monday, May 21, 2012
Oregon Mental Health Worker Fatally Stabbed While Delivering Medication
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Mental Health, Work Place Violence, Safety
Friday, May 18, 2012
Wines Perfect For a Hot Date
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Relationships, Date Night, Food and Wine
Raising Respectful Husbands and Wives
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Tags: Parenting as a Couple, Relationshps
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Influence of Oxytocin
How to Resolve Relationship Conflicts Series
By Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD
First, at the core of all conflict resolution skills is to increase communication. When conflict exists, couples find it difficult to discuss how their individual role has impacted the relationship negatively let alone begin to talk about how to initiate sex to improve it.
When there is relationship conflict, does it take a big or small gesture to resolve it? In this article we will explore the impact big and small gestures have on conflict resolution and why a person may have more control over it then they may think just by making small gestures which trigger our “feel good hormones” for bonding and connection.
Why is this important?
All humans have individual preferences. Each unique to the person, while most will agree there are generalizations we can make for all. One of these being gender differences which play a role in generating greater intimacy based on hormones. Another difference being history of comfort with intimacy, experience, and level of one’s sexual desire based on levels of Testosterone. In all intimate relationships which we desire, initially we are willing to meet the other person’s every whim effortlessly, to make them feel happy and content.
Once the elixir of passionate feelings felt during the pursuit fade, then what? Is this not a time for introspection? Is it a time to take pro-active steps to renew the relationship? Or, is it a time to throw in the towel in defeat? In the book Psychological Précipice (p.166) Psychology of Relationships and the Romantic Pursuit, individuals in love initially welcome meeting the needs of a loved one at the expense of meeting their own. Then something subtle changes.
Typically, we are only consumed with thoughts of ourselves and what we must accomplish in daily living, but a person in love becomes filled with thoughts of the loved one displaying increasing behaviors to possess the object of their desire. One’s focus becomes external directed towards pleasing another vice a sole focus on tackling their own daily stressors. A person in love acts differently. They are emotional, and act in impulsive ways giving free will to their desires to possess another. A notable behavioral and emotional shift occurs which prompts increased decisive behavior to pursue their set target of desire victoriously. These are moments of Psychological surrender allowing our internal desires to be satisfied and consumed by novel pleasurable feelings. The pleasurable distraction takes us away from daily stressors and provides a powerful reminder of what is innocent and vulnerable in life; to be wanted, desired, and passionately pursued by another in a genuine way.
There are no right or wrong answers here as all lessons learned in life are based on a learning curve. Learning new information, exploring more, and using targeted behaviors in one’s relationship may prove important in rejuvenating passion in the relationship.
We tend to learn more about ourselves, and others when we actively participate in the process. If we only aimlessly play the role of a passive bystander in our relationships we never risk and grow personally. Even worse, if we give up too easily just because matters become increasingly difficult to navigate, one may run the risk of never learning to overcome relationship conflicts which always surface in all relationships. If we learn to resolve relationship conflicts we gain obviously less conflict. Moreover, one gains a lasting relationship built on mutual respect, and most probable a passionate quality relationship possessing core attributes of emotional maturity.
Subtle changes which occur in a intimate relationship overtime can include increased emotional distance, less desire for intimacy, increased anxieties and stressors on the relationship. Most individuals are motivated by what they stand to gain in relationship exchanges based on the effort they invest. This scenario is typical and can go terribly wrong if the other perceives an unfairness. Then a reciprocal Tit-for-Tat ensues which only wedges further distance between a couple.
Tit-for-Tat is considered a non productive form of behavior to resolving relationship conflict as it is [only ] focused on repaying of wrong done; the repayment of a wrongful action, or injury suffered by inflicting equivalent harm on the other. This only leads to more negative behaviors by each party involved.Matters of “fairness” and perceived equity all play a role in motivating us to either act, or not. Asking ourselves the big hard questions will help us determine should we act. According to Dr. David Schnarch, PhD., Clinical Psychologist, for a intimate relationship to last, as in Marriage, or with Same-Sex Couples, one would be well advised to ask the tough question…….Do I like this person? When couples are at odds and angry over a situation or misunderstanding, couples are less likely to be intimate with one another let alone have sex with one another.
Oxytocin Impacts Attachment and Connection
It is a known fact women are more prone to respond favorably to small acts of kindness. But have you ever wondered why? Could it be based on hormones we all share?
Like catnip, both Men and Women seemingly render themselves defenseless and energetic when in love and the other extends themselves to them. Small efforts to connect, and show one’s appreciation can have tremendous impact to lowering conflicts both big and small with just a small gesture of kindness extended.
Some operate under the premise it will take a HUGE gesture to resolve arguments, when in fact this may be a waste of man power when only a small gesture will work favorably.
As anxieties lower regarding conflicts felt, greater intimacy can be shared as a couple, which increases greater opportunities for both Men and Woman to increase Oxytocin levels naturally.
Both Men and Women have the hormone Oxytocin at the same levels and release this hormone during orgasm.
Oxytocin in Men
In Men, the release of Oxytocin stimulates the prostate causing muscle contractions and the sensitization of nerves which impact the feeling of more intense orgasms as higher levels of Oxytocin are released. Which in turn, fosters a sense of connection and bonding with ones mate. Men can also experience the impact of Oxytocin through being with their children, or through touch.
Oxytocin in Woman
In woman, Oxytocin, is a hormone traditionally understood to be released during childbirth to aid in the bonding process between mother and child. This hormone is also released during orgasm, and other positively perceived bonding or attachment experiences felt. It is commonly referred to as the “feel good hormone” for both Men and Women.
In a study with Male and Female mice that lacked a receptor for the hormone Oxytocin had problems establishing trust and normal social relationships. Our study indicates that Oxytocin may be mediating emotional experiences in close relationships. Dr. Uväs-MobergAccording to Dr. Kerstin Uväs-Moberg, MD., PhD., author of The Oxytocin Factor, and publisher to scientific papers in Europe and USA, the hormone Oxytocin can help lower levels of stress to achieve calming effects and a greater sense of connection with others. It is also proposed Oxytocin may be strongly mediating emotional experiences in close relationships.
In this Video with Dr. John Gray, author of a new book Venus on Fire, Man on Ice, he explains how to bring out the best in a Man. Dr. Gray contends hormones of Oxytocin and Testosterone work in almost sync to lower anxieties felt in a relationship. When the man stimulates Oxytocin in woman, she becomes excited, and in turn excites the hormone Testosterone release in the man.
Dr. Uväs-Moberg outlines how to naturally increase Oxytocin levels in daily life by suggesting the following:
1. Touch is very important. Interactive touch with human beings is best, but it doesn’t have to be limited to human beings. Touch happens between people and their pets.
2. Getting a massage is helpful.
3. Walking, swimming in warm water, and all physical exercise is excellent.
4. Deep interaction, intimacy, and eye-contact are also important.
5. Sex releases Oxytocin.
A word of caution: Dr. Uväs-Moberg recommends solutions to increase Oxytocin levels naturally as our bodies produce it effortlessly and are equip to process it when activated. Several manufacturers have already developed Oxytocin drugs, yet “the absolute best thing to do is to activate your own Oxytocin” naturally.
Until Next time: à Donf
Tags: Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships, Dr. John Gray, Oxytocin
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Pleasure
Why do we like an original painting better than a forgery? Psychologist Paul Bloom argues that human beings are essentialists -- that our beliefs about the history of an object change how we experience it, not simply as an illusion, but as a deep feature of what pleasure (and pain) is.
Paul Bloom studies our common-sense understanding of the world -- how we know what we know, why we like what we like. Full bio »
" We don’t just respond to things as we see them, or feel them, or hear them. Rather, our response is conditioned on our beliefs, about what they really are, what they came from, what they’re made of, what their hidden nature is.” Paul Bloom
TED Talks Paul Bloom: The origins of pleasure
The importance of deep pleasure: Q&A with Paul Bloom
:::: Until Next Time: à Donf ::::
Tags: Pleasure, Paul Bloom: The origins of pleasure
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Intimate Relationship Conflicts and Domestic Violence
By Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD - April 24, 2012.
A “unpleasant divorce” has been cited as the underlying root cause to explain what led to NFL All Star’s decision to file Domestic Violence charges against his spouse.
On Monday, April 23, 2012, Mrs. Pilar Sanders was arrested for assaulting her spouse in front of their children. The spouse, Deion Sanders, 2011 NFL Hall of Fame inductee, and current NFL Network Channel Analyst, is reported to have filed the report to press Domestic Violence charges.
As reported the couple is undergoing an unpleasant divorce and as the divorce progresses legally, the two are said to be living in the same home. This is a familiar arrangement many courts may approve to limit the families financial strain of having to maintain two separate households. If both adults are legally the owner of the property, and neither can agree to pay rent elsewhere, a judge will allow both property owners to reside in the home. I have even seen a judge order which bedroom each is allowed to reside in among other rules to limit conflicts.
This arrangement however can contribute to further hostility and resentments as a divorce progresses and the full impact of the situation becomes more of a reality. It is not easy to divide property, so we can just imagine how difficult it must be to live in the same home, in separate bedrooms, leading separate lives, as the dread of a pending divorce lingers at the ready over the home like a ominous heavy cloud ready to collapse.
If parents display patterns of aggression towards their spouse in the home, fail to communicate effectively, or are not equip to address conflicts maturely as they surface, escalating behaviors which can lead to abuse surface.
If physical abuse does surface within this living situation, most would agree, in any and all cases of Domestic Violence regardless of gender of the perpetrator, cases of Domestic Violence should be reported.
On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in the United States every day based on Domestic Violence Homicide rates in 2000.
According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004, and 2006, intimate partner violence affects all regardless of gender, age, cultural identity, or income. Summary findings of the Bureau of Justice Statistics Intimate partner violence / Domestic violence regarding gender; females are more likely than males to experience nonfatal intimate partner violence. On average between 2001 and 2005:
Nonfatal intimate partner victimizations represented:
22% of nonfatal violent victimizations against females age 12 or older
4% of nonfatal violent victimizations against males age 12 or older
Children were residents of the households experiencing intimate partner violence in:
38% of the incidents involving female victims.
21% of the incidents involving male victims.
Intimate partner and family violence, including physical, sexual, and financial abuse, neglect and maltreatment of children, and elder abuse, occurs throughout the country every day. Unlike most other crimes, intimate partner or domestic violence is usually not a sudden, isolated, and unexpected incident. It may involve years of emotional and psychological trauma as well as physical injuries which may become increasingly more severe and occur frequently over time. Exposure to such violence has a devastating impact on all involved, including children living with and experiencing it as witnesses and not direct victims. [US Bureau of Justice]
Treatment Options
Domestic Violence treatment available includes Court Ordered Group Therapy to focus on issues of abuse, the victim may elect to report to a shelter for safety or seek alternate housing arrangements, participate in Crisis Marital / Couples Therapy, and Legal Incarceration for acts of Physical Violence.
Question: Of all the treatment and intervention options available listed here, which intervention would you say has the lowest recidivism rate?
Answer: Incarceration for the perpetrator.
Because the rate of Domestic Violence reoccurrences are so high, incarceration has been proven in the research to reduce the likelihood for repeat offenses in the future.
Couples Therapy and Group Therapy are effective and have the same success rates compared to all other forms of Psychological Therapy. The percentage of patients who participate in Psychological Therapy who benefit from treatment is estimated to be 75% when compared to other patients who do not participate in treatment.
Intimate couples who experience occasional conflict this is an inevitable part of life, and expected. In fact, some conflict is expected and it is considered suspect if couples report to never experiencing some conflict. Some conflict, within reason, is natural and healthy. In the book Psychological Precipice a case is repeatedly made in favor of this point of view.
Participating in Couples Therapy can provide Problem Solving Strategies, and Conflict Resolution Skills to help couples learn to argue constructively.
If you suspect that you, or someone you know, may be in a volatile situation, seek help and resources early.
Until Next time: à Donf
Tags: Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships
Friday, March 30, 2012
Financial Planning Always a Great Idea: How to invest your $640 Mega-Millions
Mega Millions Fever has hit the USA and the most interesting post involves financial planning. If you win, best wishes and Smart Money has great advise to make the winnings last a lifetime. If you do not have the winning ticket, this information may be helpful regardless if one has millions to invest or not.
Repost By Jonnelle Marte for SmartMoney.com
Chances are that few, if any, of those dreaming what they’d do with the $640 Mega Millions jackpot fantasize about what their financial adviser might say. That’s because these buzz kills with CFPs think lottery winners should be as boring as possible -- at least, that is, when it comes to their portfolios.
After taxes, the record payout is likely to be closer to $320 million as a lump sum. However, tickets purchased in states such as Delaware and California will be worth even more due to the lack of income tax on winnings, according to USAMega.com.
Regardless, the prize money should be more than enough to fund a lifetime of lavish spending. Too often, of course, lottery winners blow through the cash so quickly they end up bankrupt. That’s where the dullness comes in, advisers say. The winner might consider investing like a grandma, with a surefire and downright boring portfolio. "If they are conservative they can have an amazing life style year after year," says Andrew Feldman, a financial planner in Chicago. "If they take too much risk they may lose too much."
The sheer size of such a portfolio, advisers say, makes it possible to earn an outsize income with ultra-conservative investments. And lottery winners wouldn’t even have to spend a dime of their actual winnings to maintain millionaire lifestyles. Taken to the utmost extreme, investors could keep the entire stash in cash as three-month Treasury bills, where the $320 million would earn 0.07%, or $224,000. But no one needs to be quite that conservative, advisers say.
Instead, one approach could be to put half the winnings in high-grade municipal bonds, where the income earned is tax exempt, says Matthew Goff, a financial adviser in Houston. That could bring in roughly $3 million a year in income, he estimates. Another 40% of the winnings could be put in high quality corporate bonds, where it could earn about $2 million a year. And for the sake of helping the jackpot keep pace with inflation, the rest of the cash could be invested in dividend paying stocks.
All told, that adds up to an annual income stream of about $7 million, that winners can live off of without having to touch the prize money, says Goff. “You could be much more conservative than say someone with a more typical portfolio,” he says. “Risk taking becomes more of a luxury than a necessity.”
Of course, the reality of winning could be much more complicated when one considers phone calls from distant relatives, student debt and life-long dreams of owning a business. Winners will probably have to dip into their principal, for instance, if they want to set up a private foundation for children with disabilities or buy their high school a new wing, says Brian Kazanchy, a wealth manager with RegentAtlantic Capital in Morristown, N.J. They might also want to buy companies rather than just invest in them. For that reason, Kazanchy recommends separating a portion of the winnings to cover large one-time expenses like charitable foundations, family trusts and a business ventures. The rest of the cash can then be invested conservatively to cover living costs, he says.
Most people buying a Mega Millions ticket today will find the odds aren’t in their favor: the chances of winning the Mega Millions jackpot on Friday are about one in 176 million, according to lottery officials. And even those who win may have to fight for their share. But that doesn’t stop people from dreaming about it. Indeed, psychologists say just the act of playing the lottery and fantasizing about what one would do with the winnings makes the jackpot feel more attainable. “The enormous amount attracts attention and people inevitably think of what it might mean to win,” says Nobel-prize winning psychologist and behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman. “That thought, in turn, makes the event more plausible."
How to invest your $640 Mega-Millions
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Repost By Jonnelle Marte for SmartMoney.com
Chances are that few, if any, of those dreaming what they’d do with the $640 Mega Millions jackpot fantasize about what their financial adviser might say. That’s because these buzz kills with CFPs think lottery winners should be as boring as possible -- at least, that is, when it comes to their portfolios.
After taxes, the record payout is likely to be closer to $320 million as a lump sum. However, tickets purchased in states such as Delaware and California will be worth even more due to the lack of income tax on winnings, according to USAMega.com.
Regardless, the prize money should be more than enough to fund a lifetime of lavish spending. Too often, of course, lottery winners blow through the cash so quickly they end up bankrupt. That’s where the dullness comes in, advisers say. The winner might consider investing like a grandma, with a surefire and downright boring portfolio. "If they are conservative they can have an amazing life style year after year," says Andrew Feldman, a financial planner in Chicago. "If they take too much risk they may lose too much."
The sheer size of such a portfolio, advisers say, makes it possible to earn an outsize income with ultra-conservative investments. And lottery winners wouldn’t even have to spend a dime of their actual winnings to maintain millionaire lifestyles. Taken to the utmost extreme, investors could keep the entire stash in cash as three-month Treasury bills, where the $320 million would earn 0.07%, or $224,000. But no one needs to be quite that conservative, advisers say.
Instead, one approach could be to put half the winnings in high-grade municipal bonds, where the income earned is tax exempt, says Matthew Goff, a financial adviser in Houston. That could bring in roughly $3 million a year in income, he estimates. Another 40% of the winnings could be put in high quality corporate bonds, where it could earn about $2 million a year. And for the sake of helping the jackpot keep pace with inflation, the rest of the cash could be invested in dividend paying stocks.
All told, that adds up to an annual income stream of about $7 million, that winners can live off of without having to touch the prize money, says Goff. “You could be much more conservative than say someone with a more typical portfolio,” he says. “Risk taking becomes more of a luxury than a necessity.”
Of course, the reality of winning could be much more complicated when one considers phone calls from distant relatives, student debt and life-long dreams of owning a business. Winners will probably have to dip into their principal, for instance, if they want to set up a private foundation for children with disabilities or buy their high school a new wing, says Brian Kazanchy, a wealth manager with RegentAtlantic Capital in Morristown, N.J. They might also want to buy companies rather than just invest in them. For that reason, Kazanchy recommends separating a portion of the winnings to cover large one-time expenses like charitable foundations, family trusts and a business ventures. The rest of the cash can then be invested conservatively to cover living costs, he says.
Most people buying a Mega Millions ticket today will find the odds aren’t in their favor: the chances of winning the Mega Millions jackpot on Friday are about one in 176 million, according to lottery officials. And even those who win may have to fight for their share. But that doesn’t stop people from dreaming about it. Indeed, psychologists say just the act of playing the lottery and fantasizing about what one would do with the winnings makes the jackpot feel more attainable. “The enormous amount attracts attention and people inevitably think of what it might mean to win,” says Nobel-prize winning psychologist and behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman. “That thought, in turn, makes the event more plausible."
How to invest your $640 Mega-Millions
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Tuesday, March 27, 2012
New Research on Cohabitating Couples
A new government study finds that men and women who live together before marriage no longer run a higher risk of divorcing like they did in years past.
Oh, but I should mention….being engaged helps.
"[Living together before marriage] is not playing as big a role in predicting divorce as it used to," said Casey Copen, the lead author of the study.
But the study, which surveyed 22,000 men and women, found that the divorce rate is higher if the shacking up couple isn’t engaged. So if you’re living together and marriage isn’t in the works, but you do eventually end up getting married, that marriage is more likely to end. How much more likely? About 7 percent.
Read Full Article Shacking Up No Longer a Major Divorce Predictor
Tags: Relationships, Divorce, Marriage
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Hemy Neuman Guilty Verdict
March 15, 2012, The Associated Press announced Hemy Neuman, the defendant in a murder trail accused of killing the spouse of whom he was having a affair, was found guilty.
The prosecutors proved to the jury Hemy Neuman knew right from wrong at the time of the crime, and the motive for the murder was jealousy. The victim’s spouse, Andrea Sneiderman, was employed with Hemy Neuman at General Electric.
According to Greg Bluestein’s Associated Press reporting “The jury's decision … means Hemy Neuman will go to prison, but he will get mental health treatment while serving his sentence for the killing of Russell Sneiderman in November 2010. He could face up to life in prison.”
Read Full Article Hemy Neuman Guilty Verdict
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Tags: Hemy Neuman, Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Violent Relationships: Hemy Neuman’s Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity Plea
Losing Credibility. A new video in the Dunwoody Day Care Murder Trail may disprove defendant Hemy Neuman’s claim auditory hallucinations commanded him to harm Rusty Sneiderman.
By Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD -
Reportedly, Hemy Neuman was having an affair with Rusty Sneiderman’s spouse, and then “voices” of Barry White and Olivia Newton John instructed him to harm Rusty Sneiderman by using a fire arm to shot him four times at close range. Neuman added “Angels’ and “Demons” were also significant influencers prompting him to carry out such a crime.
Hemy is now on the record describing in elaborate detail all his previously planned scenarios he would execute to harm Sneiderman, yet there was always a glitch of some sort to foil the plan. As with any crime, elaborate planning suggest premeditation.
PREMEDIATATION: contemplation of intended crime: the act of thinking about and planning a crime beforehand, rather than acting on impulse in a moment of passion or mindlessness.
When one begins to analyze the level of ones planning sophistication used, the question then becomes; Was the defendant insane at the time of the crime? At this point in the trail it would seem testimony suggests Neuman’s reported Mental Health symptoms are inconsistent with someone suffering from a psychotic process; insanity at the time the crime was committed. A second question in need if further discussion is Neuman’s Mental Health History; Is there a history of Mental Illness?
Read Full Article Violent Relationships: Hemy Neuman’s Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity Plea
Until Next Time a'Donf
Tag: Hemy Neuman, Rusty Sneiderman, Andrea Sneiderman, Relationships, Conflict, Interpersonal Relationship, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Dilemmas, Marriage, Divorce, Sex and Relationships
Monday, February 27, 2012
Onboard fire cripples Costa cruise ship
The fire on the Costa Allegra was quickly extinguished and "there were no injuries or casualties," said Costa Cruises in a statement. However, the ship is stranded about 200 miles southwest of the Seychelles, an area where Somali pirates have been active.
Costa Cruises, which is based in Genoa, Italy, said in a statement that its ship was about 20 miles from Alphonse Island, one of the atolls in the Seychelles, a nation of islands and atolls that is a popular tourist destination.
More Onboard fire cripples Costa cruise ship
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Friday, February 24, 2012
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Saturday, February 04, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Laura Dekker 2012 Solo Circumnavigation Success
She successfully arrived one year later, age 16, at St Maarten harbor, in the Caribbean. She sailed on a 11.5m (38ft) Ketch sailboat named Guppy. Read Article
According to Fox News reporting Jan 21st, 2012, the sailor is estimated to have traveled 27,000 nautical miles with stops to include the Canary Islands, Panama, Galapagos Islands, Tonga, Fiji, Bora Bora, Australia, South Africa, and finally her last stop, St. Maarten, from which she originally departed from on January 20, 2011.
a’Donf to you Laura Dekker for your 2012 Hercules Effort!
See Also: Jessica Watson, Australia.
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Saturday, January 14, 2012
Video: Uncertainty and Panic on Cruise Ship Aground off Italy
From a Mental Health prospective as we learn about the Cruise Ship Costa Concordia running aground in Porto Santo Stefano, Italy, what if any, lasting impact this may have on the passengers.
By Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD
On Friday, January 13, 2012, Cruise Ship Costa Concordia, sailing in shallow waters off the coast of Tuscany, Porto Santo Stefano, Italy, ran aground. Reportedly, Captain Francesco Schettino, has been arrested for manslaughter, abandoning ship, and is expected to contribute to an investigation to discover what occurred on board.
The ship hit a submerged rock, causing a 160-foot cut to its hull allowing a rapid rush of water to enter the ship. The ship then navigated off course to initiate an eventual evacuation procedure, but then unexpectedly ran aground on a tiny island of Giglio near the coast of Tuscany. Because of this many of the life boats could not be launched.
The dramatic photographs released by morning, Saturday, January 14th, show a luxury liner off Giglio's coast partially submerged, and resting on its side.
Read More
Read the full CNN story
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Wednesday, January 11, 2012
30 Lessons for Living
Find a summary of the BOOK “30 Lessons for Living” by Karl Pillemer. The article provides a summary of the key points made in the book on Marriage, Career, Parenting, Aging, Regrets, and Happiness.
Video The Lessons of Life
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